We talked about parenting in class last week. There are many purposes of parenting. The whole purpose of coming to Earth is to have families. It is a microcosm of eternal life. It is practice for Godhood. Parenting is for the parent. Heavenly Father is hurt when we are bad parents. It causes Him pain when children are not taken of properly. He loves each of them and has trusted us to care for them properly. It is an opportunity for constant, intimate teaching and learning. The purpose of parenting is to protect and help our children to learn to thrive. We should unconditionally and continually love our children no matter what. I found it very comforting to know that if parents keep their sealing covenants and their children go astray, they will be saved in this life or the next. It is very important for child and parent both to be well bonded to one another. What happens to our children should be deeply concerning to us. We need to choose to attach to the people we care about. We should want to be parents because it is associated with happiness. We learned a little bit about discipline. The word discipline comes from disciple. A disciple follows and has direction given to them. I thought that was really interesting.

This week in class we talked about work. Working together as a family builds unity. It helps you learn how to communicate with one another better. When you are doing work together where not a lot of through is required, you are more likely to talk about your thoughts and feelings. It was interesting to me to be taught that men learn best and talk more shoulder to shoulder not face to face. Men connect better when they are working together. They feel close and united when they accomplish something together. I thought it was also interesting to learn about the history of work. Everyone always talks about how people had more kids in the past because it was essentially free labor. In class we talked about how this was not true. Kids cost more than they helped. I love the idea of loving work. When we don't think of it as a chore, it becomes fun. We should think of it as a time to build unity with our family. We talked about how families go camping together and go to ranches together because they want to play work. Families don't get to do that in their day to day lives anymore.
Another thing we talked about in class was family finances. It is important that the family decides together where the money will go. You should make long term goals together with your spouse. When money is shared between spouses it communicates love, trust and commitment. Sticking to a budget is important because it helps you develop self control. It keeps you from self gratifying. Family unity comes from saving together for a common, jointly approved purpose.

I really liked reading: "Counseling with Our Councils" by Elder M Russell Ballard last week in class. When you are trying to make a decision, if everyone does not agree with the decision to be acted upon, do not go through with it even if the majority agrees. That person will feel left out of the group if his/her opinion is not taken into consideration. It is important to give everyone the opportunity to voice their opinions. Everyone's opinion is important. It is about validating everyone. It shows them that they are worth listening to. it also shows that others care. It is important to discuss to consensus regarding God's will, not any one person's.

This week in class, we talked about the impact of stresses on the family. We learned about the ABCX model. This stands for the Actual event, Behavioral response, Cognition and total eXperience. Our cognition of the experience is our thoughts about all parts of the experience. We learned that some crisis are preparatory to others. I think this is very true. There are stresses that every family goes through and these help them prepare for unexpected events. Heavenly Father gives us stress in our family life to help us grow together. We can choose to look for what we ares supposed to learn or concentrate on the pain. Trials can destroy us or make us better. It is really bad to get stuck in a state of helplessness. The victim mentality is bad. We need to do something. We should ask for Heavenly Father's help to know what it is that we need to do. We also learned about how anger is usually covering another stronger, more prevalent emotion. Anger is easier to deal with than fear and anxiety. It is an attempt on our part to regulate unpleasant emotions.

Last week in class we talked about sex and how to teach our children about this topic. I found it really interesting to learn about the different affair types. I did not realize that there was so many. I can see how it would be easy to be emotionally unfaithful without even realizing it. I did not realize how drastically my friendships with members of the opposite sex would have to change after marriage. We learned that it is difficult for women to be physically intimate until they feel safe. But men feel safe after being physically intimate. There can be a lot of problems in a marriage unless these differences are communicated. It is important to understand that sex is personal, emotional and physical. 

Last week in class we talked about the different stages couples go through together. I think it's very important that your wedding does not become more important than your marriage. The engagement period should not be a period where the only thing discussed is the wedding. The couple should plan for their marriage also. It is important to talk about how you will parent your children before they are born. It is important to give husbands' the opportunity to bond with their child. He does not need to do everything the way that you do it. Women need to take their opinions into consideration.
I thought it was interesting to learn about cohabiting. When couples live together, they tend to live parallel lives and not intertwined lives. It is a lot more difficult to go from this kind of a relationship to an intertwined one.
I think asking guests to contribute to the wedding instead of buying gifts is a great idea. This way they can feel that they are somehow contributing to the expenses of the wedding. It is also good because the couple can start their lives without worrying about money.
We talked how we should be at least as concerned about our spouse as much as we are with ourselves. This is not something that is natural. It is divine and for that reason requires heavenly help.

On Monday, in class, we talked about the definition of a date. A date should be paired off, planned for and paid for. After we had defined a date we talked about the father's role in the family. His role is to provide, protect and preside. There is a correlation between these two ideas. Men should take each of the responsibilities on a date upon themselves. Being paired off correlated with protecting. For however long the date lasts, the man is to protect the woman from any harm. Having a planned date is connected to the man presiding in the family. He is to take responsibility for directing the family. The man should also make sure that the date is paid for, which corresponds to providing. In a family setting, it is the father's role to make sure that the financial burden is not upon the woman. Just like that, it is the man's responsibility to provide financially for the date. I thought learning about this was really interesting. It makes a lot of sense. It is so important that the definition is understood. Sometimes when it is not clear, people are left confused about relationships.
I also enjoyed talked about the know quo. In order to know someone better, there are three aspects that are important. Time is a very important factor. We discussed how it takes about three months to get to know someone. Togetherness is also very necessary. There has to be a wide range of shared activities between people. Talking is one the most significant facctors. This is all about mutual self disclosure. This is how to get to know someone better. If there is not open communication, it is very difficult to really know someone.

I thought it was really interesting to learn about family system changes after immigration. While we were reading this and learning about it in class, I was reminded a lot of my own family and the things we had to go through as new immigrants in this country. My dad moved to the United States when I was about two years old. He had to leave my mom, my two sisters and I in Sri Lanka. We were able to come to the U.S. when I was eight years old, but our whole family system had changed. My sisters and I had a coalition with our mom. We were very close. It was difficult for us, as children, to even remember our father because he had left at such a crucial point in our life. It took a long time for us to restructure our family so that our father was a part of it again. My mom, especially, faced a lot of new stressors. In Sri Lanka, she had a lot of extended family that would help her to take care of the kids. She felt really lonely in the U.S. because she could no longer socialize with people because she did not speak the language. She had a difficult time adjusting to this new life. Also while we were in Sri Lanka, my older sister had taken a leader role in our family. She had a hard time letting go of that role and handing it to my dad. Overtime, my family has restructured so that my father has a role. But the effects of immigrating are still felt in my family. I thought it was interesting because I could see so many of the things that we talked about in class in my own family.

This week in class we talked about the four theories: systems, exchange, symbolic interaction and conflict. We focused a lot on systems theory. This theory is about roles, rules and boundaries. We learned about Menuhin. He studied to see whether the frequency of asthma had anything to do with family structure. His research showed that they are in fact related. There was a higher frequency of asthma when the child's family was disturbed. He used physical distance between family members to understand the interactions that were taking place. The way that people sit when they are doing something can reflect their relationship dynamics. When you change where individuals are sitting, you are giving them a new experience. Therapy itself is a new experience for the people receiving it. This can be much more useful than giving them advice. I thought it was interesting that you could influence the relationships between people by changing where they were sitting. You cannot influence the family system without understanding it.

We talked about a couple interesting things this week. We talked about the difference between conflict and arguing. I had never thought that there was a difference between these two. But we learned that conflict when handled properly (with the Gospel) can strengthen the marriage.
On Friday, we talked a lot about the different trends occurring right now. We learned about how population growth and fertility rate is decreasing. It really impressed when someone made the comment that by not having more children, we are denying our kids from having important relationships. They will not have the opportunity to have siblings, cousins, nephews/nieces etc. I had never really thought of this concept. It hit me hard.
I was also impressed when we talked about who was affected by a declining birth rate. Not only is the immediate family affected, but society as a whole as well.
I loved the quotes that were shared in class. Here they are:

"There are multitudes of pure and holy spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our duty?-To prepare tabernacles for them; to take a course that will not tend to drive those spirits into the families of the wicked, where they will be trained in wickedness, debauchery, and every species of crime. It is the duty of every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles for all the spirits they can." -President Brigham Young

"You did not come on earth just to "eat, drink and be merry." You came knowing fully well your responsibilities. You came to get for yourself a mortal body that couple become perfected, immortalized, and you understood that you were to act in partnership with God in providing bodies for other spirits equally anxious to come to the earth for righteous purposes. And so you will not postpone parenthood. There will be rationalists who will name to you numerous reasons for rationalists who will name to you numerous reasons for postponement. Of course, it will be harder to get your college degrees or your financial start with a family, but strength like yours will be undaunted in the face of difficult obstacles.Have your family as the Lord intended. Of course it is expensive, but you will find a way, and besides, it is often those children who grow up with responsibility and hardships who carry on the world's work. And, John and Mary, do not limit your family as the world does. I am wondering now where I might have been had my parents decided arbitrarily that one or two children would be enough, or that three or four would be all they could support, or even five would be the limit; for I was the sixth of eleven children. Don't think you will love the later ones less or have few material things for them. Perhaps like Jacob, you might love the eleventh one most. Young people, have your family, love them, sacrifice for them, teach them righteousness, and you will be blessed and happy all the days of your eternal lives."-President Spencer Kimball