On Monday, in class, we talked about the definition of a date. A date should be paired off, planned for and paid for. After we had defined a date we talked about the father's role in the family. His role is to provide, protect and preside. There is a correlation between these two ideas. Men should take each of the responsibilities on a date upon themselves. Being paired off correlated with protecting. For however long the date lasts, the man is to protect the woman from any harm. Having a planned date is connected to the man presiding in the family. He is to take responsibility for directing the family. The man should also make sure that the date is paid for, which corresponds to providing. In a family setting, it is the father's role to make sure that the financial burden is not upon the woman. Just like that, it is the man's responsibility to provide financially for the date. I thought learning about this was really interesting. It makes a lot of sense. It is so important that the definition is understood. Sometimes when it is not clear, people are left confused about relationships.
I also enjoyed talked about the know quo. In order to know someone better, there are three aspects that are important. Time is a very important factor. We discussed how it takes about three months to get to know someone. Togetherness is also very necessary. There has to be a wide range of shared activities between people. Talking is one the most significant facctors. This is all about mutual self disclosure. This is how to get to know someone better. If there is not open communication, it is very difficult to really know someone.

I thought it was really interesting to learn about family system changes after immigration. While we were reading this and learning about it in class, I was reminded a lot of my own family and the things we had to go through as new immigrants in this country. My dad moved to the United States when I was about two years old. He had to leave my mom, my two sisters and I in Sri Lanka. We were able to come to the U.S. when I was eight years old, but our whole family system had changed. My sisters and I had a coalition with our mom. We were very close. It was difficult for us, as children, to even remember our father because he had left at such a crucial point in our life. It took a long time for us to restructure our family so that our father was a part of it again. My mom, especially, faced a lot of new stressors. In Sri Lanka, she had a lot of extended family that would help her to take care of the kids. She felt really lonely in the U.S. because she could no longer socialize with people because she did not speak the language. She had a difficult time adjusting to this new life. Also while we were in Sri Lanka, my older sister had taken a leader role in our family. She had a hard time letting go of that role and handing it to my dad. Overtime, my family has restructured so that my father has a role. But the effects of immigrating are still felt in my family. I thought it was interesting because I could see so many of the things that we talked about in class in my own family.

This week in class we talked about the four theories: systems, exchange, symbolic interaction and conflict. We focused a lot on systems theory. This theory is about roles, rules and boundaries. We learned about Menuhin. He studied to see whether the frequency of asthma had anything to do with family structure. His research showed that they are in fact related. There was a higher frequency of asthma when the child's family was disturbed. He used physical distance between family members to understand the interactions that were taking place. The way that people sit when they are doing something can reflect their relationship dynamics. When you change where individuals are sitting, you are giving them a new experience. Therapy itself is a new experience for the people receiving it. This can be much more useful than giving them advice. I thought it was interesting that you could influence the relationships between people by changing where they were sitting. You cannot influence the family system without understanding it.

We talked about a couple interesting things this week. We talked about the difference between conflict and arguing. I had never thought that there was a difference between these two. But we learned that conflict when handled properly (with the Gospel) can strengthen the marriage.
On Friday, we talked a lot about the different trends occurring right now. We learned about how population growth and fertility rate is decreasing. It really impressed when someone made the comment that by not having more children, we are denying our kids from having important relationships. They will not have the opportunity to have siblings, cousins, nephews/nieces etc. I had never really thought of this concept. It hit me hard.
I was also impressed when we talked about who was affected by a declining birth rate. Not only is the immediate family affected, but society as a whole as well.
I loved the quotes that were shared in class. Here they are:

"There are multitudes of pure and holy spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our duty?-To prepare tabernacles for them; to take a course that will not tend to drive those spirits into the families of the wicked, where they will be trained in wickedness, debauchery, and every species of crime. It is the duty of every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles for all the spirits they can." -President Brigham Young

"You did not come on earth just to "eat, drink and be merry." You came knowing fully well your responsibilities. You came to get for yourself a mortal body that couple become perfected, immortalized, and you understood that you were to act in partnership with God in providing bodies for other spirits equally anxious to come to the earth for righteous purposes. And so you will not postpone parenthood. There will be rationalists who will name to you numerous reasons for rationalists who will name to you numerous reasons for postponement. Of course, it will be harder to get your college degrees or your financial start with a family, but strength like yours will be undaunted in the face of difficult obstacles.Have your family as the Lord intended. Of course it is expensive, but you will find a way, and besides, it is often those children who grow up with responsibility and hardships who carry on the world's work. And, John and Mary, do not limit your family as the world does. I am wondering now where I might have been had my parents decided arbitrarily that one or two children would be enough, or that three or four would be all they could support, or even five would be the limit; for I was the sixth of eleven children. Don't think you will love the later ones less or have few material things for them. Perhaps like Jacob, you might love the eleventh one most. Young people, have your family, love them, sacrifice for them, teach them righteousness, and you will be blessed and happy all the days of your eternal lives."-President Spencer Kimball