I really liked reading: "Counseling with Our Councils" by Elder M Russell Ballard last week in class. When you are trying to make a decision, if everyone does not agree with the decision to be acted upon, do not go through with it even if the majority agrees. That person will feel left out of the group if his/her opinion is not taken into consideration. It is important to give everyone the opportunity to voice their opinions. Everyone's opinion is important. It is about validating everyone. It shows them that they are worth listening to. it also shows that others care. It is important to discuss to consensus regarding God's will, not any one person's.

This week in class, we talked about the impact of stresses on the family. We learned about the ABCX model. This stands for the Actual event, Behavioral response, Cognition and total eXperience. Our cognition of the experience is our thoughts about all parts of the experience. We learned that some crisis are preparatory to others. I think this is very true. There are stresses that every family goes through and these help them prepare for unexpected events. Heavenly Father gives us stress in our family life to help us grow together. We can choose to look for what we ares supposed to learn or concentrate on the pain. Trials can destroy us or make us better. It is really bad to get stuck in a state of helplessness. The victim mentality is bad. We need to do something. We should ask for Heavenly Father's help to know what it is that we need to do. We also learned about how anger is usually covering another stronger, more prevalent emotion. Anger is easier to deal with than fear and anxiety. It is an attempt on our part to regulate unpleasant emotions.

Last week in class we talked about sex and how to teach our children about this topic. I found it really interesting to learn about the different affair types. I did not realize that there was so many. I can see how it would be easy to be emotionally unfaithful without even realizing it. I did not realize how drastically my friendships with members of the opposite sex would have to change after marriage. We learned that it is difficult for women to be physically intimate until they feel safe. But men feel safe after being physically intimate. There can be a lot of problems in a marriage unless these differences are communicated. It is important to understand that sex is personal, emotional and physical. 

Last week in class we talked about the different stages couples go through together. I think it's very important that your wedding does not become more important than your marriage. The engagement period should not be a period where the only thing discussed is the wedding. The couple should plan for their marriage also. It is important to talk about how you will parent your children before they are born. It is important to give husbands' the opportunity to bond with their child. He does not need to do everything the way that you do it. Women need to take their opinions into consideration.
I thought it was interesting to learn about cohabiting. When couples live together, they tend to live parallel lives and not intertwined lives. It is a lot more difficult to go from this kind of a relationship to an intertwined one.
I think asking guests to contribute to the wedding instead of buying gifts is a great idea. This way they can feel that they are somehow contributing to the expenses of the wedding. It is also good because the couple can start their lives without worrying about money.
We talked how we should be at least as concerned about our spouse as much as we are with ourselves. This is not something that is natural. It is divine and for that reason requires heavenly help.

On Monday, in class, we talked about the definition of a date. A date should be paired off, planned for and paid for. After we had defined a date we talked about the father's role in the family. His role is to provide, protect and preside. There is a correlation between these two ideas. Men should take each of the responsibilities on a date upon themselves. Being paired off correlated with protecting. For however long the date lasts, the man is to protect the woman from any harm. Having a planned date is connected to the man presiding in the family. He is to take responsibility for directing the family. The man should also make sure that the date is paid for, which corresponds to providing. In a family setting, it is the father's role to make sure that the financial burden is not upon the woman. Just like that, it is the man's responsibility to provide financially for the date. I thought learning about this was really interesting. It makes a lot of sense. It is so important that the definition is understood. Sometimes when it is not clear, people are left confused about relationships.
I also enjoyed talked about the know quo. In order to know someone better, there are three aspects that are important. Time is a very important factor. We discussed how it takes about three months to get to know someone. Togetherness is also very necessary. There has to be a wide range of shared activities between people. Talking is one the most significant facctors. This is all about mutual self disclosure. This is how to get to know someone better. If there is not open communication, it is very difficult to really know someone.

I thought it was really interesting to learn about family system changes after immigration. While we were reading this and learning about it in class, I was reminded a lot of my own family and the things we had to go through as new immigrants in this country. My dad moved to the United States when I was about two years old. He had to leave my mom, my two sisters and I in Sri Lanka. We were able to come to the U.S. when I was eight years old, but our whole family system had changed. My sisters and I had a coalition with our mom. We were very close. It was difficult for us, as children, to even remember our father because he had left at such a crucial point in our life. It took a long time for us to restructure our family so that our father was a part of it again. My mom, especially, faced a lot of new stressors. In Sri Lanka, she had a lot of extended family that would help her to take care of the kids. She felt really lonely in the U.S. because she could no longer socialize with people because she did not speak the language. She had a difficult time adjusting to this new life. Also while we were in Sri Lanka, my older sister had taken a leader role in our family. She had a hard time letting go of that role and handing it to my dad. Overtime, my family has restructured so that my father has a role. But the effects of immigrating are still felt in my family. I thought it was interesting because I could see so many of the things that we talked about in class in my own family.

This week in class we talked about the four theories: systems, exchange, symbolic interaction and conflict. We focused a lot on systems theory. This theory is about roles, rules and boundaries. We learned about Menuhin. He studied to see whether the frequency of asthma had anything to do with family structure. His research showed that they are in fact related. There was a higher frequency of asthma when the child's family was disturbed. He used physical distance between family members to understand the interactions that were taking place. The way that people sit when they are doing something can reflect their relationship dynamics. When you change where individuals are sitting, you are giving them a new experience. Therapy itself is a new experience for the people receiving it. This can be much more useful than giving them advice. I thought it was interesting that you could influence the relationships between people by changing where they were sitting. You cannot influence the family system without understanding it.