On Monday, in class, we talked about the definition of a date. A date should be paired off, planned for and paid for. After we had defined a date we talked about the father's role in the family. His role is to provide, protect and preside. There is a correlation between these two ideas. Men should take each of the responsibilities on a date upon themselves. Being paired off correlated with protecting. For however long the date lasts, the man is to protect the woman from any harm. Having a planned date is connected to the man presiding in the family. He is to take responsibility for directing the family. The man should also make sure that the date is paid for, which corresponds to providing. In a family setting, it is the father's role to make sure that the financial burden is not upon the woman. Just like that, it is the man's responsibility to provide financially for the date. I thought learning about this was really interesting. It makes a lot of sense. It is so important that the definition is understood. Sometimes when it is not clear, people are left confused about relationships.
I also enjoyed talked about the know quo. In order to know someone better, there are three aspects that are important. Time is a very important factor. We discussed how it takes about three months to get to know someone. Togetherness is also very necessary. There has to be a wide range of shared activities between people. Talking is one the most significant facctors. This is all about mutual self disclosure. This is how to get to know someone better. If there is not open communication, it is very difficult to really know someone.

I thought it was really interesting to learn about family system changes after immigration. While we were reading this and learning about it in class, I was reminded a lot of my own family and the things we had to go through as new immigrants in this country. My dad moved to the United States when I was about two years old. He had to leave my mom, my two sisters and I in Sri Lanka. We were able to come to the U.S. when I was eight years old, but our whole family system had changed. My sisters and I had a coalition with our mom. We were very close. It was difficult for us, as children, to even remember our father because he had left at such a crucial point in our life. It took a long time for us to restructure our family so that our father was a part of it again. My mom, especially, faced a lot of new stressors. In Sri Lanka, she had a lot of extended family that would help her to take care of the kids. She felt really lonely in the U.S. because she could no longer socialize with people because she did not speak the language. She had a difficult time adjusting to this new life. Also while we were in Sri Lanka, my older sister had taken a leader role in our family. She had a hard time letting go of that role and handing it to my dad. Overtime, my family has restructured so that my father has a role. But the effects of immigrating are still felt in my family. I thought it was interesting because I could see so many of the things that we talked about in class in my own family.

This week in class we talked about the four theories: systems, exchange, symbolic interaction and conflict. We focused a lot on systems theory. This theory is about roles, rules and boundaries. We learned about Menuhin. He studied to see whether the frequency of asthma had anything to do with family structure. His research showed that they are in fact related. There was a higher frequency of asthma when the child's family was disturbed. He used physical distance between family members to understand the interactions that were taking place. The way that people sit when they are doing something can reflect their relationship dynamics. When you change where individuals are sitting, you are giving them a new experience. Therapy itself is a new experience for the people receiving it. This can be much more useful than giving them advice. I thought it was interesting that you could influence the relationships between people by changing where they were sitting. You cannot influence the family system without understanding it.